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Posted:
Wed Feb 08, 2006 10:53 am
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Forum Soldier
Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 295
Location: Texas
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I think Psycho Chick would probably get the biggest laugh from this....
Subject: Oil Change
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1 Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
the last oil change.
2 Drink a cup of coffee or can of soda.
3 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1 Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
check for $50.00.
2 Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,
drive home.
3 Open a beer and drink it.
4 Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5 Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6 In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7 Place drain pan under engine.
8 Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9 Give up and use crescent wrench.
10 Unscrew drain plug.
11 Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
process. Cuss.
12 Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13 Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14 Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15 Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
filter and twist off.
16 Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17 Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18 Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil
in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19 Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20 Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21 Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22 Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
to gasket surface.
23 Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24 Remember drain plug from step 11.
25 Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26 Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug.
27 Drink beer.
28 Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover
oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain
plug in lawnmower gas.
29 Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30 Drink beer.
31 Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32 Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33 Begin cussing fit.
34 Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35 Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling
trophy.
36 Beer.
37 Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
blood flow.
38 Beer.
39 Beer.
40 Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41 Beer.
42 Lower car from jack stands.
43 Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44 Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during steps 23 - 43.
45 Beer.
46 Test drive car.
47 Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48 Car gets impounded.
49 Call loving wife, make bail.
50 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But he knows the job was done right!
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Posted:
Wed Feb 08, 2006 1:33 pm
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Forum H4xor
Joined: 05 Dec 2004
Posts: 1848
Location: Boston
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Pretty funny Apex but a smart mechanic would have a full 30 rack handy so you dont run outof beer.
And I have done 80 percent of this. Noone I know has a garage nevermind a door for it, and Skip church? I would have to go to skip it. Every thing else is spot on.
Side note: Im actually getting an oil change today in my car. To damn cold to do it myself. |
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Forever Standing United!!!!
-[CfH]-Server Admin |
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Posted:
Wed Feb 08, 2006 3:31 pm
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Forum H4xor
Joined: 07 Aug 2005
Posts: 2103
Location: South Amboy, New Jersey
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Oil Change instructions for Falcon:
1 Drive truck to garage/mechanic
2 take a walk around town
3 come back, thank the mechanic for GJ done, and drive home.
Money spent:
Oil Change $0.00
Total $0.00 and no aggravation at all
You may wonder why i get no aggravation or why i spend no money for this...because it's good to have a close friend who's the head mechanic of the garage and who's also part-owner of the garage |
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--- Pete + Sam + Dean = chevelle = teh greatest ---
-[CfH]-Server Admin |
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Posted:
Wed Feb 08, 2006 8:54 pm
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Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler
Joined: 23 Nov 2004
Posts: 6505
Location: New Jersey
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I have coupons from my dealership for $12.95 oil changes. For that and only wasting 20 minutes...that's the route for me.
Although, I INSIST on washing my own car. |
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The only good game, is a fair game...
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways! George Carlin - 1937-2008
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Posted:
Wed Feb 08, 2006 9:59 pm
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Forum H4xor
Joined: 25 Dec 2004
Posts: 1922
Location: eugene,OR
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I just take it to jiffy lol.. washing my car around here is pointless, couple days ago almost got stuck in the mud so my cars toast I love 4x4 |
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www.GuildWarsRealm.net GG site |
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Posted:
Fri Feb 10, 2006 3:06 pm
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Forum Soldier
Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 295
Location: Texas
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this was supposed to be a joke thread... |
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Posted:
Fri Feb 10, 2006 6:50 pm
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Forum Medic
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 120
Location: Parent's Basement
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Nope. This is now an oil-changing thread!
Here's someone changing some oil:
-DaMaN |
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Posted:
Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:00 pm
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Forum Medic
Joined: 04 May 2005
Posts: 197
Location: So Cal
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Chips wrote: |
I have coupons from my dealership for $12.95 oil changes. For that and only wasting 20 minutes...that's the route for me.
Although, I INSIST on washing my own car. |
I am the exact opposite, all it took was once watching the guys that change the oil, seeing them fumble with my drain plug, not knowing the oil capacity etc. last thing I need is a stripped oil pan.
Car washes, always 4.99 down at the car wash. gotta be touchless though. |
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9-11-01 |
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Posted:
Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:11 pm
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Forum Soldier
Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 295
Location: Texas
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DaMaN wrote: |
Nope. This is now an oil-changing thread! |
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Posted:
Fri Feb 10, 2006 11:03 pm
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Forum H4xor
Joined: 07 Aug 2005
Posts: 2103
Location: South Amboy, New Jersey
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Air Force One...not bad movie... |
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--- Pete + Sam + Dean = chevelle = teh greatest ---
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Posted:
Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:07 am
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Forum Soldier
Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 295
Location: Texas
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dude it was meant as a elchon for this thread! OMG CHIPS PLEASE CLOSE AND LOCK THIS POS! |
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Posted:
Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:29 am
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Forum H4xor
Joined: 08 Dec 2004
Posts: 2750
Location: Maryland
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Good forbid we have a discussion. |
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Posted:
Sat Feb 11, 2006 11:46 am
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Teh Fuzzy Cuteness
Joined: 25 Nov 2004
Posts: 1101
Location: Mid-State New York
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This reminds me... I need to get my oil changed. Guess I'll be geting that coffee now!
Hehe, nice one Apex |
_________________ (Phear Teh Fuzzy Cuteness)
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Posted:
Sun Feb 12, 2006 3:44 pm
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Forum Soldier
Joined: 23 Nov 2005
Posts: 371
Location: lol
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Psycho_Chick wrote: |
This reminds me... I need to get my oil changed.
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same ... im way overdue |
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Posted:
Sun Feb 12, 2006 9:27 pm
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Forum H4xor
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 3150
Location: Houston
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O_O
I should check my car and see if it needs it. |
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